So, miraculous healing you say?
Without His healing intervention in my life – I don’t even know where I’d be. I feel a bit like Paul sometimes – there always seems to be a thorn in my flesh. I seem to encounter something strange – health wise – all the time. Like, the .01% of the population that experiences side effects or needs the “fine print” warnings in a treatment – that’s me. Ironically – I consider myself a pretty healthy person. I try not to dwell on the random illness and instead rely on His healing. I’ve had a laundry list of health concerns or illnesses. I’ll spare you the list, but let’s just say it’s extensive and random.
There have been 2 very defining moments in my walk with Christ. Moments that shaped my faith.
I was 3 months pregnant with MacKenzi. Something happened and I couldn’t walk. I literally cried going up stairs. It was insane pain. This went on for weeks and finally – I went to the doctor. They took blood, did tests, and asked me questions. I got a call the next day saying that I had lupus – and RA. Wait, I was 3 month pregnant – what about my baby – why is this happening – why – why – why. My health – will I be in wheelchair? But I love to walk and run and play – why, God why?
I prayed halfheartedly for healing, but was dependent on the doctors for answers. I was waiting for more tests to confirm what I had been told. I was ready to accept the inevitable – I could still hardly walk. pain, so much pain – and I was still pregnant. We didn’t have a church home at the time – but I felt led to try a new church that week, so Ben and I went, reluctantly. We filled out the card and went home. It was just a normal Sunday afternoon. Family and dinner. I remember that moment – that the deacon from that church knocked on the door. I was so annoyed – just wanted to be alone, but we welcomed him into our home and he asked us questions. He was so sweet. He stayed for about 45 minutes. At the end of his visit he asked if there was anything he could pray for. I stayed quiet, then it just came out – I was getting the test results back the next day to confirm/deny RA and Lupus. I was in so much pain, so I knew what the results were going to say… but I told this man my health needs and told him I wanted to be healed. So there we stood – in the living room of our first home – holding hands with a stranger who prayed relentlessly for my healing. I remember in the moment feeling God’s presence – His spirit easing mine – telling me – “Chrissy, I got this. I can heal you.” I cried. Goodness I cried – Cried out for healing for protection over my physical body and over MacKenzi’s. Something changed in that moment – things were different when he left. I was different. Feeling so confused – we went to bed without talking about what had happened. There didn’t seem to be words to describe the moment. I woke up the next day feeling better than I had in weeks – it felt like a miracle. I could walk without pain. I went to the doctor to get the results from the 40 tubes of blood they took the week before, and I kid-you-not… every.single.test came back negative. negative. negative. Oh my gosh- I cried in his office. I looked the doctor in the eyes through tears and said “God healed me” – he said well “then what we do now is thank Him”. I walked out stunned. That moment is etched in my mind – forever. The moment that I realized God is bigger than my biggest need – that He holds me in His hand – that He is able to do immeasurably more than we can think or ask (Ephesians 3:20). I never saw that man again, but I will never forget his prayer in our living room that Sunday evening. It changed my life. I changed my faith.
For some reason – I seem to have my health attacked more often than anything else. Maybe because I love being active – I love to move, heck I can’t sit still for more than 30 minutes. Maybe that’s where satan attacks because it makes the biggest impact on my life – when I can’t move, talk, or really be ‘present’ – my influence, my relationships with family- with work- with the community we serve at work, it’s all impacted greatly. So, he attacks there – where it hurts the most. Then, God comes in and heals the broken – the brokenness.
Last year, in August I began having sensitivity in the teeth on the left side of my mouth. Like someone just heaped icecream on your tooth and left it there – for hours. I tried to mask the pain – figured it was stress or something, but it was too much. As the pain increased to the point that I ended up in the fetal position day after day I decided it was time for a doctor. I ended up in neurologists’ offices – I was given an MRI and they found the cause. A blood vessel in my brain had wrapped itself around a nerve and rubbed the protective coating off the nerve – so every time my heart was beating – it was triggering nerve pain down the entire left side of my face. Seriously? This can’t be happening. This went on for 3 months – I lost interest in about everything because the pain worsened daily. I couldn’t really eat because chewing was out of the question – I didn’t want to talk because it hurt.so.bad. I didn’t want to be touched – no more kisses on the cheek from my kids or Ben. I didn’t want the wind to blow on me – because that hurt too. I withdrew from everything. It was so hard because how do you explain nerve pain?! You look normal, there’s no external symptom – so, you must be exaggerating. Goodness, did I learn a lesson on compassion for invisible illnesses. What I had was trigeminal neuralgia – aka – “the suicide disease”. They had me on medicine, but it only dulled the pain – it gave me migraines – every day. And, it took away my clarity of thought. The one thing I value most – my ability to think- to be well spoken, to contribute to concepts or ideas, to be innovative. It was gone. The medicine took that from me. I got to a point in December, just before Christmas that I couldn’t function. I was never out of pain – 9 out of 10 on the pain scale – all day, every day. (10 being – Jesus, please take me now) I called the neurologist in desperation – and that was that – 36 hours later I was put under for an emergency outpatient surgery that involved an 8 inch needle going into my skull to the base of my trigeminal nerve. What ever they did – whatever that chemical was they put in my brain – in my brain, what? – I didn’t even care. I was at my deepest darkest moment. HEAL ME was my cry from sun-up to sun-down. I was desperate.
I’ve had so many people praying for me since December. The surgery certainly took the edge off, but I still required medicine, which dulled my thinking processes. About 2 months ago I felt to the urge to really trust God for ultimate healing. I weaned myself off the medication and prayed. Focused on His promises and holding onto His previous answers to my desperate calls for healing.
I have been medication free and pain free for about 6 weeks! Although this healing didn’t happen as immediately as the healing I mentioned from a few years back- God pulled me from the depths of despair. I was ON MY FACE in prayer for the pain on my face. It’s been a healing process over the last year and a half. I never want to go there again, ever. But I will never forget His presence – even in the darkest moments. He was there – always was & always is & always will be.
I listened to Kim Walker-Smith’s “Still Believe” on repeat for months. It was the cry of my heart – “I still believe You will heal me”. It had to be – it was the ONLY hope that I had. Now, the cry of my heart is gratitude and thanksgiving. He IS the great physician.
If you are in a place and you need healing, or your are in what feels like the pits of Hell – PLEASE don’t give up. There is light at the end – maybe you can’t see it right now, but I PROMISE you it’s there – HE’S THERE. Don’t give up. He is GREATER than your circumstances. Hold on to his word – cling to it. Healing WILL come.